no more utopias

Our Young Mother's Bible Study is embarking on yet another book, this time we're lucky enough to have the author of the book leading the study. :-) Our pastor. He's compiled some sermons he preached about two years ago on the family (the true cause of our summer of babies) and some other material into a book he has entitled Edifice, which he describes as concerning the life cycle of the family, from early marriage, young children, empty nesters, even difficult seasons such as divorce, remarriage, etc. As I did my preparation for our study on Wednesday, I was struck by this particular section, and I wanted to share it. It was particularly significant to me because earlier that day I had read a blog that described a homeschooling family of four children who sounded like they have everything together. She published her family's scheduled & included her children's daily checklist of items to accomplish. While her children work on their independent school work, she bakes bread. Dinner preparation is 45 min- 1 hr each night (even with a nursing baby & 2 year old). Every morning before breakfast, before supper, and before bed the two older children assist their mother with chores (including closet organization, drawer organization, folding laundry, putting it away) which put me & my one child household to shame! Her point in having drawer & closet organization on her daily/weekly list was that if you keep it up, it won't ever be a chore that takes a lot of time. Although this may be true, I just didn't know how I felt about each working member of the household having the responsibility of checking one drawer every day! It seemed a bit OCD to me. This did NOT stop me from feeling guilty about my 10 drawers that hadn't seen an organizing hand in months (maybe years!). I'm not trying to say that this lady was telling others that their schedules should be carbon copies of hers. It just seemed as though her list of tasks was insurmountable! (Cleaning, Teaching, Nursing baby, Making Supper Cheerfully with 2 year old, etc.) Again, the guilt was of my own doing, not Blogger Lady's. This also happily coincided with a laundry issue! I have a houseguest (more on that in another post) who found our clothes sitting in the dryer, took them out & folded them in the most magnificently neat way I've ever seen, and then apologized for "not doing a good job!" I waited for Josh to mention that someone else MUST have folded the clothes, but apparently, he thought I just got extra creative that day. So, spurred on by my drawer organizing blogger & neat folding houseguest, I tackled my junk drawer, and three of my dresser drawers -- refolding, throwing away, sorting, and making sense out of mayhem. I would take pictures, but my dresser mostly holds jammies & unmentionables & the last time I posted a picture of a bra on the web, people were scandalized. Anyway, that was my day.

At night, I opened up the first chapter of Edifice to read this, and I couldn't believe what a timely balance God had brought to me that day. I will quote most of the section & summarize some parts.

"Too much Christian family literature borders upon utopianism and is therefore frustrating in its application. The author prescribes the "path for the family" in whatever particular area he is addressing. The steps are followed, but change is slight, slow, and painful -- if it occurs at all. Is there something wrong with me or my family? Do we lack faith? Perhaps we need another perspective. And the cycle of frustration begins again. This lack of biblical realism about the Christian life in general and the family in particularly is the result of a failure to consider adequately the subject of cross-bearing. Being a Christian entails bearing the cross of our Savior in our daily lives. . . The Christian family is not exempt from cross-bearing, and any attempt to address it's problems and posit potential answers to its many challenges must take into account the fact that God's purposes for the family require the discipline of the cross. This does not mean that positive, even monumental change is impossible to attain in this life. Meaningful, lasting, biblical change requires repentance, self-denial, fervent, prayer, and mortification of sin. . . Expectations for family change must be realistic in the light of sin and progressive sanctification. They must be placed against the backdrop of God's sovereign purposes that he is working out in each family and in each family member, thereby producing in each family member the life of Christ.. . .
Too many Christians live as if the goal of dealing with problems is to achieve a place in life where problems no longer exist, that sanctification involves strife-less marriages, sinless children, a veritable utopia on earth. It will never happen. . . God gives us principles, purposes, and goals for which we are to strive by trusting in his grace and promises. they do not eradicate sin or create lives of ease. they enable us to approach the inevitable sins and pressures that arise in this sinful world with hope and patience, knowing that our labors are not in vain the Lord."

This passage struck me as so applicable to the guilt & frustration I was feeling about setting my own house in order. Blogger Lady wasn't prescribing any steps to fix a certain problem, but I believe the application was still viable. It seemed to me that she was describing such a Utopia to me, where there are no messes that can't be tackled in a day, no children that don't enjoy a rigorous list of chores to be accomplished daily while doing 10 or 12 subjects, including 15 minutes of piano practice & 15 mins of voice practice. (What does 15 minutes do for you???) In another post, she told how she sought God's wisdom in dealing with problems in her children. IN all three stories that she told, God saw fit to answer her prayers in a matter of days, and within days of applying her God-given answer, her children's attitude or problem was tackled!

During our discussion at the Bible Study, It just struck me that consciously or unconsciously many of these books or blogs on parenting and marriage set up this paradigm. . if you do follow these steps or principles (godly & biblical as they may be), you will "fix the problem" in your marriage, in your child, in your family. This even descends into issues like sleeping through the night, breastfeeding, and a myriad of mothering issues. Follow these steps & you will gain these results. Although the advice or principles in this type of literature may be perfectly appropriate for you and Bible based, God may not see fit to give you success even if you are doing "all of the right things." There's no magic formula. The family, in all of its facets, cannot be "fixed" or even "checklisted."

In light of this, I tried to think of what MY daily checklist should look like. Instead of trying to control my circumstance to the enth degree and trying to create artificially an environment that supposedly fosters cheerful attitudes, a hard-working Spirit, and a love for God by making sure that all the corners of the house are clean or even that the clothes are folded a certain way. . aren't there things that are more important? I tried to think of some things that SHOULD be on my checklist. . Have I communicated God's love to Kate today? Have I read to her? Have I communicated on a deeper, spiritual level with Josh today? Have I loved him? I'm sure the list could go on & each family's list would look a bit different. Cleanliness is not next to godliness, Organization is not next to godliness. All of those things should be counted as mere tools in the wife's arsenal for creating a loving, God-honoring environment that works hard to serve him & each other. They are not ends of their own. Our goal is not to recreate Utopia, the fictional land where everything worked perfectly. There was a perfect economic model, a perfect political model, a perfect societal model. We must have this biblical realism that perhaps reads the books, reads the blogs, applies biblical principles to Christian family living, but acknowledges that serving God involves bearing the cross, as individuals, as well as families.

So, what would be on YOUR list?

crocs

Rei.com is having a great sale on Crocs in some colors & sizes. They are $8.83. Some little birdie thought of a great plan if they don't have the color & size that you want. Order ones at a great price & then take & exchange them at a Crocs stand, like in the mall. Then you get what you want for a great price! I already bought this season's on ebay, so I may not join this particular fray, but have fun! Also, if you ship them to a local REI, the shipping is free. I imagine they also have similar prices in the store. Here's the Link.

st. george, portraits

Since I did not get a great shot of our family on our LAST beach vacation, I was especially determined to get one this time. But, as photo shoot doesn't top anyone's list of fun things to do on vacation, it got pushed to the very last evening, and even then I wasn't sure it was going to happen. Jonathan saved the day by becoming our photographer, and then Jen, Ben, & co met me for their photo shoot. We had to do our work quickly, both for the sake of the children as well as our later dinner reservations (more about that later!)









The sun had set lower by the time the Johnson's get to the beach, so some of their pictures came out a bit dark. I have since edited them, but am still trying to work out the best tweakings. I'm completely inexperienced at color adjustment & basically am just going by what looks good! This picture & the picture of the couple w/ the kids playing behind them looked pretty great in my picture editing software, but seem quite light when added here.

The Honeymoon Shot -- still in love after 5 years!

I felt particularly proud of this shot. I think I was inspired by one of Kelley's wedding photos. :-) I didn't bring my telephoto lense on the vacation, but that might have given a different effect, with a blurring of the girls in the background. But, I kind of like it as is -- if only I could get the coloring/brightness/saturation/contrast all correct! (Help Renee!)





I'm having trouble posting photos today, but I persevered. There are a few more that you may like to see, & I will try to load tomorrow. Some of this is for Jen, who hasn't seen some of these yet.

Also in an aside, my first day of school was today & it was great! I will miss this summer though. I think it was my best one yet!

i came home with a potty

So, today was the big day for Babies R Us around here. I've been waiting & waiting for a new BRU that's relatively close to us, and close to other things I go to, to open up! I set that as my date for buying Kate her little potty. So, today, opening day, I went & bought 2 potties & potty covers for public toilets! :-) One potty in the house, one in the trunk. I know we're not really to the point of needing the one in the trunk, but I thought I would put my $5 off coupon to good use. Star94 was there to assist BRU in their Grand Opening & were giving away prizes. They had just about used up all of their prizes, so as we were walking towards them, I saw the lady at the booth putting away their prize wheel (as in spin the wheel to find out if you win a water bottle, t-shirt, or a Little Einstein DVD). I didn't really get the significance of her putting away the wheel until afterwards. We walked up to the booth & asked what they were giving away. She offered us a water bottle & I took it. Lydia noticed the Little Einstein Dvd's & saw that THEY had the same one as she did at home. So, she wanted this one for her 'friend Kate.' I told her her to ask the lady. She did. . .and the lady gave it to us! Hurray for cute kids! Having Lydia & Kate with me helped me swing another deal inside, too. I had two $5 off coupons which you aren't supposed to use on the same purchase (or probably the same day), but the cashier let me split my purchases into two transactions & I got to save $10. So, we came away with 2 balloons, some free chick-fil-a coupons, a Little Einstein CD & 2 potties! Yeah Grand Opening!

st. george, on the water!

Although the beach we were staying at was pretty enough, we got the opportunity to visit a barrier island with the clearest, greenest water -- perfect for snorkeling & keeping an eye out of jellyfish! We rented a pontoon, nothing as deluxe as the one we rented on the Lake Nanta., but large enough for quite a group of us. We didn't think that the younger ones would do well on the boat all day, so we decided to the leave the babies at home with some babysitters on shifts. Jen, Lydia, and I went with the boys in the morning, and we had a blast! We didn't actually brave the ocean, but explored the bay at Port St. Joe. (Apparently, pontoons & ocean waves don't make a good match!) The first place we stopped for snorkeling had clear, green water, and although there was a current, it did not feel like you were swimming in the ocean until your face or eyes dipped in. It was so hot, we practically HAD to jump in just to cool down. Lydia did very well, even when we saw fish & jellyfish in the water. Thankfully, since the water was so clear, we were able to avoid any contact with them. The barrier island was beautiful! It would have been an incredibly romantic place to take a long, uninterrupted walk with gorgeous surroundings, but I was hanging with Jen & Lydia & the boys were all exploring the waters surrounding the barrier island.

We had lunch on the boat.

Do you need a flipper, Josh?

Jonathan was the first to find some photo-worthy underwater life. I had never seen or touched a live sand dollar. The texture was a funny - there were little cilia or something all over so, it wasn't smooth. And, the color itself was a bit surprising. Several people thought they remembered that it was illegal to remove sand dollars, so we didn't bring it home.



Andrew found a largish hermit crab & I wanted a picture of it so badly that I swam back to the boat, got the mesh bag that the scuba gear came in, swam back to fetch the creature, and then back to the boat where the camera was! He very obligingly came out of his shell & tried to high tail it off of the boat.


These jelly fish swam slow enough for me to see them, grab my camera, and take a picture. Unfortunately, none of the other fish (shark, stingray, or dolphin, and unidentified swimming fish) obliged us so well.



We got back in the boat & motored down the shore of the barrier island. We got into several large beds of sea oats (I think) & the boys were brave enough to snorkel even after we had seen a shark & stingray in the area! Though our glances were fleeting, it was definitely very cool to see creatures normally seen in the aquarium right next to your boat! The shark was approximately 2 or 3 feet long, so not that big, but still pretty exciting. The sting ray was pretty big, but booked it pretty fast! Lydia got so hot, we had to get in the water, but the girls stayed right by the boat, looking out for sharks, stingrays & jellyfish the whole time! Not relaxing! The water was much deeper, and was much darker because there was seaweed on the ocean floor, so it was harder to keep a good lookout. Thankfully, nothing happened!

This little girl didn't last long on our trip back to the marina.

Our fearless navigator!

Jen kindly thought to take a picture of Josh & I. We had such a great time that day, I would have done it again the next day!


We met Jenny, Lisa, Kate, Lauren, and Grandma at the marina, and then realized that we were going to be too many people to return back in my car. Unbeknownst to us when we had made the shift plan that morning, the power was turned off at the house for a few hours, and so Grandma, Mima, Jenny, and the girls all had to leave the house. We ended up driving home in Lenny & Jenny's 4runner, with Jen riding in the back cargo area! What an adventure! Lisa & Jenny enjoyed their afternoon on the boat with all of the guys.

On our last day, several of us rented jet skis on the ocean for a half-hour. Man! That was so much fun! Josh & I rode together. It was definitely more fun to drive than to ride. I got less water in my face when I drove for two reasons: I didn't drive as fast as Josh & I was further up the jet ski & that helped. That was the major drawback to skiing in the ocean -- the water in the eyes was killer. I think that if we had to do it again, we'd try to rent on the river. There aren't the waves to ride, but you'd have less of the salt stinging the eyes. Even with salt water streaming down my face, it was tons of fun & definitely worth it. Get this, though. Andrew took Jenny with him on his jet ski. And they both survived!

I love going to the beach & hanging out, but it was definitely fun to do some water sports as well. It just gave some variety to the week & was a way for Josh & I to have a lot of fun together. He doesn't get the same kind of kicks & giggles out of reading at the beach as I do.

st. george, good times

The home we rented was quite deluxe. There were 5 bedrooms, 2 of which were HUMONGOUS master suites. Josh, Kate, and I shared a (smaller) room, and things went pretty well. One night she did wake up and start calling for Mom about 3:30AM. In the stupor of sleep I went and got her out of the pack n play and carted her to bed with me, thinking she might fall back to sleep again on me. I put her back in the pnp, but she would have none of it. I was so tired, that even when Josh brought her back into the bed, fully awake & wanting to play, I managed to slip into blissful sleep anyway. He said that they didn't fall back asleep until 4:30. We all woke up at 7:30 in the (queen) bed together. I have to admit, it was pretty sweet to see her sleeping face right next to me in the bed.

First thing every morning, Kate asked to "find Lydia" or "find Lauren." The girls had so much fun just living with each other, and I'm still having to explain that Lydia & Lauren aren't "downtairs," they're at their home! Of course, they also enjoyed playing bumper cars with all of the aunties, mimas, gagies, mom, dad, and all of the loving arms that would "hold me." Fun activities from the indoor playtimes include playing with "tabow" (playdoh), "moofies" (movies), and most impressive of all -- threading "neckaces" with Mima. She even warmed up to her cousins Jofen & Andoo. The sweetest thing happened on one of the last nights. Several months ago, Gagi went to the hospital because she had a lot of chest pain. We prayed for Gagi a lot those two days, and this made a huge impression on Kate. Our ni-ni sing times are often concluded these days with Kate requesting, "pay Gagi." Well, that night, she asked me, all of a sudden, to "pay Jofen" & "pay Andoo." It was so cute! Of course, it's very likely that it is a stall tactic, but I indulge it! Well, until she starts asking for repeats. Then you just MIGHT hear me say, "We already prayed for Gagi." or "We already sang Jesus."

There was also a private pool at the house & we made pretty good use of it. The girls just weren't able to put in hours at the beach. So, several days we stayed at the beach for a few hours & then went back to the pool for lunch & swimming time. There was an outdoor shower that made the beach to pool transition pretty easy.

The girls escaped their parents after being washed in the outdoor shower & made their getaway to the pool. At least we stopped them from getting INTO the pool. :-)

As I already mentioned, Kate couldn't wait to see Lydia every morning. Same was true for Lydia. Jen, Ben, & Lydia's room was opposite ours, so they could hear each other. Here they are watching "Curious."

I love it when they hold hands!

Yawn! I'm still tired!

The girls got to bathe in the master bath -- quite munificent! I also gave the two older girls a shower in the walk-in shower. Man, I need one of those!

Kate was trying to "wash Lydia's body," even while Lydia was swimming. Earlier that day, we caught Lydia trying to ride Kate. I guess it was payback time!

Once again, why do I buy toys?

I just can't get enough of her smile!

Lydia blowing bubbles in the pool. This is a big achievement for her!

I'm coming to get you!

There was a small leak in the pool, so we had to add water every day, much to Lydia's delight! She loved watering the pool. . . & people, too. :-)

One, two, three, (and then she takes a big step she calls a "jump!")

Lydia kept trying to convince me that this was NOT a hammock, but a swing. :-)
These girls are best buds.

st. george, sand & surf

Our house was a little walk from the beach through some jungle & desert, so every day, by the time I got to the ocean, I was ready to dive in! Of course, this was usually because I was strapped down with umbrella, chair, cooler, bag of towels & assorted other goodies, and I might or might not be holding the child as well. Every day at the beach was different. We had super-duper windy day, calm & a smidge hot day, perfect day, huge shallow shelf perfect for wading children day, cool wonderful water quite refreshing day, and one of my favorites, dolphin day! Kate was definitely intimidated by the waves, but she liked to sit at the edge and let the water wash up over her (and mom!). She enjoyed playing with the sand toys, but above all, her favorite beach activity was eating snackies! No sooner would I get everything settled than she would come over and ask for a nakie! I took her out to the deeper ocean twice & she seemed to enjoy it. One day, I even wished that I had brought her floats. It was so calm past the wave breaking point that she could have done some actual swimming. The beach was practically deserted every morning. People didn't seem to come out of their shells until afternoon.

Dolphin-Day -- the very tiny black speck in the middle of the photo . . is a dolphin fin. This is the best picture I got. They were so unpredictable as far as where you would see them next, that this is as good as it got! We must have seen 10 or so on one day, and more like 5 on the second day. On the second day, one was cruising quite close to shore! (like 15 ft) I couldn't figure out if I had been out there, would I have screamed or had some magical swimming with dolphin experience? I did a little research, and I think we were seeing bottlenose dolphins.

Laurie's walking has really taken off. She LOVED walking at the beach!

Grandma made it to the beach three times! I consider this a major feat. It was quite a trek for her, and it was pure determination that got her there and back that many times!

See what I mean by deserted? Next time we do a big beach trip like this -- I want to buy one of those awnings & just leave it up the whole week. (Awning is in left center of pic)

Smooch doing a little bit of mystery reading!

Kate loved scooping & toting sand & water in her toys. I love her little sprig in this picture!

Laurie just wanted to jump into the water, per usual. Lydia came a long way. The first day (pictured below), she wanted her floaties on just in case she fell in the water. The last day (in picture), she was happy to cavort by herself & wanted to feel the waves.

The First Day. Hmm, what do you think? Could I fall in?

Kate hijacked Lydia's little chair & sat up in the shade eating her snacks. What a beach bum!